A new year

Almost time for a new year. 2010 was crazy, in the good way. The usual ups and downs. Lots of big changes, some I had been working towards for years and some very unexpected. But all for the better.

I'm ready to see what 2011 has in store for me.
Hopefully I'll be just as awesome as I was in 2010 ;-)

boooooooooooo

Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I'm working. And then coming home to an empty apartment. And then waking up at 5 am on Christmas morning and going back to work. And then rushing to my family's house after work to see everybody for a hot second before I have to go home and back to bed to go to work the next morning too.

I think I'm more depressed about my lonely Christmas Eve then my working Christmas Day, at least I get to spend that playing with/cheering up kids who should be home for Christmas and not stuck in the PICU. At least I have my bunnies I guess. This is usually my favorite holiday. I'm kind of wishing I could just skip all of it this year, which I guess I kind of am doing, but not... cause I know everybody else is with their families. I can't even just go to my mom's house for the night because I took my bed from there and now all that's in my room is an old exercise bike.

I guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself because I have a great family that I usually get to see and an apartment to come home to but it still sucks :-( That is all.

Wintertime!

I'm a huge slacker who never updates her journal, so says Frank. It's getting to be verryyyy coollld outside which makes me want to go to Florida TONIGHTA. We've already had a bit of snow which is lovely when I have off work. but won't be so lovely if I have to work and drive in it, or get stuck at the hospital. I really wish I had been able to save up lots of money when I started working so I could have some extra for perhaps a more winter-ready car. Hopefully Silver Fox (the Saturn) will be able to continue it's run as SNOW BEAST for a least one more winter til I can get something with AWD or just pack up and move to Florida and get something faster :-).

I have 1 week off of work from Tuesday - Tuesday that I'm right in the middle of. It has been LOVELY. I would not be upset if I never had to go back. But alas, I do. And I have to work Christmas Eve, day, and the following day... laaaame. Not sure if Frank will be here for the holidays but if he isn't I think my mom will stay with me Christmas Eve on my big comfy couch because working all the Christmas holiday and being here all alone will be very depressing. He should be starting work soon (hooorraaayyyy!) so I will actually have some help with my living expenses and I think I'll be able to start saving a lot more money. I desperately need a coffee table and desk for my computer room with no computer.

I also think we're going to paint the apartment and deciding on colors is fun, but I'm not very good at decorating or anything like that so I'm glad I have help. Otherwise it would stay white and boring in here. My apartment (aside from Christmastime where I decked it out all cute-like for now) looks like a boy lives here and that kind of bugs me but I don't really have the skills by myself to do anything about it. Having Frank around has been lovely :-) It makes this place a lot more fun and he puts up with my grumpiness before and after work very well lol. I think the solution is me working a lot less but that is not do-able right now. I will cut back my hours to 36/week in June and haven't decided on going to permanent night shift yet but it is appealing.

My birthday was this past Tuesday and I had a great one :-) I have awesome people in my life these days and I feel so blessed to have such great friends and family.. and bunnies. Can't forget the buns. Frank and I made them their own bunny Christmas stockings with their names on them that are super cute. All that's left is for me to wrap all the presents for everyone and I'll be all set for Christmas. Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/ whatever the heck else people celebrate.

And GO RAVENS.

Grr

Apparently switching your schedule days-nights-days-nights every few days can really screw up your sleep schedule, or ability to sleep at all... as I sit here having only slept for 3 hours early this morning, completely exhausted and yet unable to fall back asleep for hours. Good thing I work Thursday AM and Friday PM, I was hoping to get to switch back and forth two more times before the week was over just in case my schedule wasn't thoroughly screwed up yet.


I have to keep reminding myself that I do like my job.
Cause it's really a pain in the ass right now.
That is all.

New things!

I've been a busy bee and never seem to have a minute to update, or when I do I'd rather enjoy my lazy day off of life. But here I am. All sorts of crazy things have been going on around here. Firstly, I'm going back to nightshift in a few days for a month which makes me happy as it's much less stressful. 2nd, my boyfriend will be getting his divorce and moving in with me on the same day (ha! lol). But seriously, I'm sure some people will tell me I'm a ruh-tard, or that I'm crazy, but I don't care. And I just might be crazy. Anybody else and I'd be hyperventilating about this but with him I just don't care, I think it'll be fun in fact. Not quite sure why its so different this time but I have no strong urges to run for the hills or push him away. I'm happier then I've been in a very long time and happy just to be me, and be loved for that. So.. yeah. Weird I know. But really good.

In other news my bunny has another UTI (had one a few weeks ago) and the little monster cost me a ton of money at the vet today but hopefully these antibiotics he's on for the next month (!) will really get rid of it for good this time. And he actually took his medicine from me tonight (previously a struggle) so I'm gonna keep with my plan of medicine before breakfast and dinner and hopefully it continues to go well.

I think that's about all that's going on right now. I'm sure i'll be updating with more random thoughts soon, those are my favorite posts to make but I felt my life changes deserved a post.

Impatience

It's become clear to me that I am a very impatient person. I want what I want exactly when I want it. Once I get an idea in my head, I will not be happy until it's come to fruition. And if it involves someone else doing something, I will bug the hell out of them until they do what they need to do. And if it's just me, I won't get anything else done until I do what I need to do. And I'll think about it day and night. I think this is one of those "great attribute/huge fault" kind of characteristics. Like man, if I want to, I can pretty much accomplish anything and won't take no for an answer. But it is also a pain in the ass when I don't get anything else done or bother the hell out of people cause I'm so impatient. Kind of like ambition/determination to the extreme. I suppose I could have worse faults, like never getting anything done. Or not caring about anything.

Well anyway, I have 4 days off of work after a day from absolute hell and I'm still not fully recovered from it (On Off day 2 right now). I'm sleeping more/later then I have in a very long time. It's wonderful. I came to the beach to see my boy which is always a nice escape from B*more other then the fact I stay with my aunt and uncle who still think I am a teenager and can't be trusted. My end of January first real vacay cannot come soon enough. I better get to take it or I will be a very pissed woman. I'm already getting anxious/the feeling that it's not gonna happen :-( I hope I'm wrong. I'm just used to being let down about big exciting things. Just how my wonderful luck goes. Oh well, I guess time will tell. In the meantime I'll be here, working much too much and much too hard and occasionally writing in my fancy blog.

C ya later :-)

Two befores:










And an after:



I think I like it. Yes?

mmm

Delicious cookies are among my favorite foods.
:-)

Disillusion

Disillusionment : to free from illusion; also : to cause to lose naive faith and trust

Yes. 

It's like that point where you go from saying "oh this and this and this kinda suck... BUT.... blah blah blah good happy things" to saying "Oh this and this and this suck. No that's all... they just suck." What am I rambling about? My job. Yeah, there are some parts of it that are super great, and some people think I do all these great things, but ya know what... a lot of it really just blows. And not like 'oh workin for the man, gotta do shitty things just to make a living, welcome to the real world lauren." I'm not bothered by that at all. More like the situations I encounter on a daily basis. The really F$%8'd up stuff that won't get any better. And the lack of respect for the nurses that bust their butts doing what we do. We get second guessed, yelled at, requested not to have certain children back by their parents, and all sorts of crazy stuff after we put in 12 hours of physically, mentally, and emotionally draining work. Ridiculous I tell ya. 

I still do love my job, and getting to help kiddos get better and make a difference, but the disillusionment has definitely set in. Maybe I'm just ready for Florida...

That's just my thoughts for the night. :-) TTYL

Hello

I have a lot of thoughts in my head and unfortunately for everyone else, I decided it'd be fun to put them out in the universe. This blog will be some kind of compilation of my inner monologue- which on any given day can be silly, crazy, cynical, sassy, grumpy, loving, hateful, or just plain tired. For those who don't know me I work as a nurse in a busy PICU, live in an apartment with my two bunnies, and lack pretty much any and all domestic skills. I prefer to only do things on spontaneous whims and take a lot of naps.  Don't be surprised if my posts range from a single sentence to many paragraphs of rambling. I'm allergic to everything and sneeze about 20 times a day. I hope to move to Florida in about a year and see the beach everyday. I'm just figuring out life right now and happy doing it :-)