Impatience

It's become clear to me that I am a very impatient person. I want what I want exactly when I want it. Once I get an idea in my head, I will not be happy until it's come to fruition. And if it involves someone else doing something, I will bug the hell out of them until they do what they need to do. And if it's just me, I won't get anything else done until I do what I need to do. And I'll think about it day and night. I think this is one of those "great attribute/huge fault" kind of characteristics. Like man, if I want to, I can pretty much accomplish anything and won't take no for an answer. But it is also a pain in the ass when I don't get anything else done or bother the hell out of people cause I'm so impatient. Kind of like ambition/determination to the extreme. I suppose I could have worse faults, like never getting anything done. Or not caring about anything.

Well anyway, I have 4 days off of work after a day from absolute hell and I'm still not fully recovered from it (On Off day 2 right now). I'm sleeping more/later then I have in a very long time. It's wonderful. I came to the beach to see my boy which is always a nice escape from B*more other then the fact I stay with my aunt and uncle who still think I am a teenager and can't be trusted. My end of January first real vacay cannot come soon enough. I better get to take it or I will be a very pissed woman. I'm already getting anxious/the feeling that it's not gonna happen :-( I hope I'm wrong. I'm just used to being let down about big exciting things. Just how my wonderful luck goes. Oh well, I guess time will tell. In the meantime I'll be here, working much too much and much too hard and occasionally writing in my fancy blog.

C ya later :-)

Two befores:










And an after:



I think I like it. Yes?

mmm

Delicious cookies are among my favorite foods.
:-)

Disillusion

Disillusionment : to free from illusion; also : to cause to lose naive faith and trust

Yes. 

It's like that point where you go from saying "oh this and this and this kinda suck... BUT.... blah blah blah good happy things" to saying "Oh this and this and this suck. No that's all... they just suck." What am I rambling about? My job. Yeah, there are some parts of it that are super great, and some people think I do all these great things, but ya know what... a lot of it really just blows. And not like 'oh workin for the man, gotta do shitty things just to make a living, welcome to the real world lauren." I'm not bothered by that at all. More like the situations I encounter on a daily basis. The really F$%8'd up stuff that won't get any better. And the lack of respect for the nurses that bust their butts doing what we do. We get second guessed, yelled at, requested not to have certain children back by their parents, and all sorts of crazy stuff after we put in 12 hours of physically, mentally, and emotionally draining work. Ridiculous I tell ya. 

I still do love my job, and getting to help kiddos get better and make a difference, but the disillusionment has definitely set in. Maybe I'm just ready for Florida...

That's just my thoughts for the night. :-) TTYL

Hello

I have a lot of thoughts in my head and unfortunately for everyone else, I decided it'd be fun to put them out in the universe. This blog will be some kind of compilation of my inner monologue- which on any given day can be silly, crazy, cynical, sassy, grumpy, loving, hateful, or just plain tired. For those who don't know me I work as a nurse in a busy PICU, live in an apartment with my two bunnies, and lack pretty much any and all domestic skills. I prefer to only do things on spontaneous whims and take a lot of naps.  Don't be surprised if my posts range from a single sentence to many paragraphs of rambling. I'm allergic to everything and sneeze about 20 times a day. I hope to move to Florida in about a year and see the beach everyday. I'm just figuring out life right now and happy doing it :-)